break up, break down, breakthrough

So we have been broken up since June... and breakups are never easy... even though it's for the best of reasons. You have to go through the whole tortuous process of waking up feeling like you're 10 feet under crap because there's this humongous hole in your chest where something called the heart used to pump life into you.

...Okay, okay, i know, drama queen. Suffice to say, I went through the whole breaking down phase where i constantly needed to be with a friend, and talk to someone because being left alone with my own thoughts was just unbelievably scary. Suddenly tea and a furry blanket became two of my favorite things because snuggling in helena's couch with them during moments of weakness made me feel, not only warm, but safe. It's not an uncommon story, and yet because it's my story, it's precious to me (and well, therefore is on this blog, snicker).

The precious story goes on even til now. And I have to say, I am okay... happy even. The process was both subtle and sublime... and I have to admit, it was through the combined efforts of much felt love from so many people (and spirits) around. In gratitude, I'd like to "pay it forward" by listing what helped me the most in breaking on through to the other side after such a breakup & break down (I don't wish that anyone would need this but it's always handy -- think of this as my version of the book "it's called a break up because it's broken" -- google it if you must).

1. I had friends who let me be pathetic, angry and basically, the worst version of myself. Extremely helpful on days when you just wanna rant.

2. I had friends who believed in me and supported me to be the best version of myself. Being gentle on myself was great!

3. I tried out different things... from reading that guidebook to doing energy work.

4. I constantly listened to a music mix that my friend put together for me, with the specific theme of "pick-me-up-i-love-my-life songs

5. I took up a old & new hobbies: yoga, watercoloring, bottle decor, movie watching.

6. I threw away a lot of clothes and shopped! Hehehe.. never really believed the rumors that shopping was therapeutic... but it really is.

7. I bought a new mobile phone and laptop. Yes, clothes shopping is great, but techie shopping rocks!

8. I said yes to (almost) everything: from salsa night outs to walibi world (amusement center).

9. i remembered to love myself, and that my happiness was in my own hands. I also remembered that i am still so blessed to have such wonderful people to call family & friends.

10. I focused on love. In the end, it's not about whether he was or wasn't the perfect man, but rather, whether we were the perfect match. And as we weren't, we accept that we learned and loved and lived,... and that's what really matters.

May we always be free to be all we could be in every moment.