moving out, moving on

Wow... has it been really that long since i last wrote a blog? And such a whimsical topic about the Irish? It's been a while since my last blog...possibly because i was going through a lot of growth...of reflection. In UPSCA we would call it processing... and it was never a painless process.

Sure enough, this past month has been one of painful realizations and yet has continued (and I hope continues on still) to be an experience of joyful rediscovery too. Without going into too much details or without boring random readers with dramatic details, the gist is: I've moved out of the warm Amersfoort home with Gert and am now living in Amsterdam, sharing an adorable flat with my lovely colleague Helena. As we still care and love each other, we have decided to stay together, but live apart. Apparently, the dutch have a term for it-- a LAT relatie (Living Apart Together).

But some things which I've learned in the process, and which I hope you'll oblige me to share is that...
- I am responsible for my own happiness just as my partner is responsible for his own happiness... ideally, everyone could be happy together... No matter how much I love someone, I cannot hold his happiness or dreams or hopes in my hands... because sooner or later, i will be overwhelmed, I may doubt, I may break it... it will not be fair to him... just as it will not be fair to me as a vice-versa scenario...and so...
- First and foremost, I really should learn how to love myself a bit more. And this manifests in so many fundamental ways, whether it be having "a world of my own, a life of my own" or liking my own company in empty moments
- Being a migrant demands a certain level of self-development... I need to be able to stand on my own feet and be true to myself (and heavens, stay myself)
- there will always ALWAYS be angels abound and around who will support us...whether it be in the form of actual living & breathing friends, or something less earthly. I truly trust the universe on this one... that everything will turn out for the best
- Underneath the regretful pain, the seeming "weaknesses", the difficulty at times of staying true to ourselves even though it may hurt our loved ones,... there is still great love. The love that demands the best from ourselves, and hopes for the best for the other. In the end, "only love is real".

So... kung mukhang malabo ang blog ko... sensya na. But to me, at this moment, it does give me clarity... it upholds my faith... and above all, it gives me much comfort. I keep moving.