what a woman wants

*hmm... wrote this in 2000, i think. at the UPSCA poetry night, a member asked me to try to make a poem. I started writing, and before I knew it, this came out.


I don’t want a lot from life.
I only want what the common woman has.
Meaning, I don’t want much at all.
I want to wake up and know the face that I’m looking at in the mirror.
I want to know where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m going.
I want to see the people I call family and friends and let them see how grateful I am for them.
I want them to know how much I love the world, my world, mostly because they’re in it.
I want everybody else to see the world as it is… wonderful.
I want everyone else to see themselves as how they are… beautiful.
I want them to love their worlds, love their lives.
I want the world to be lovable.

I want murderers to take all their guns and what-not weapons and stick it to themselves… and shoot and stab… and shoot and stab…so they can feel the pain of every pain they give.
I want corrupt officials to shut up. I want them to shut their mouths so tightly, they can’t speak or eat… so they can stop eating and devouring other people’s lives and feel the hunger and starvation in the poor man’s stomach and soul.
I want smoke belchers to suck up their own smoke and choke on it.
I want poachers to live in a slimy cage and see how they like it.
I want the trees to live in peace, free from oppression and without fear of peeing men and peeing dogs.
Hell, I want that kind of peace as well.

I want little children to grow up choosing substance over form.
I want fashion designers to try fitting into their own skimpy little dresses.
I want my tongue to permanently stick out sometimes so I can walk down Ayala Ave. 6750 and show them how much I detest them for taking consumerism to the extreme.
I know Victoria’s secret and it’s not worth telling.
I know how Bath & Body works and it’s not worth working in.
I want to be fit, I admit, because I want to be able to run with children even when I’m past 50… and let’s face it, I still want to fit my clothes three years from now.
I want to feel my body humming life, not decay.

I want to stop… and think… and breathe… and let’s see… what else?

I want a man.
I want a man who is not just a man but more than a man.
But, oh no, by being that he’s close to being a woman.
Nevertheless, I want a man who can laugh and cry and get angry and say “I’m wrong”, “I’m sorry” and “I love you”. It wouldn’t hurt if he could also say “bless you” when I sneeze.
I want a man who can “live with pain and not try to fix it or fade it”.
I want a man who can “live with joy” and not be ashamed to celebrate it.
I want a man who respects women, who treats his mother, sister and girl friends the way they should be treated.
I want a man smart enough to know that this is not an advertisement but part of a poem… and no, he is not the answer to all women’s prayers.
I want a man who won’t get mad or upset when I say “tangama” or “shit d’pwet”... or when I turn out to be as strong if not stronger.
Nagawa na kaya ang lalaki para sa mga babaeng tulad namin?
I want a man who won’t… hindi, sige, di bale na lang. (masyadong mahaba ang magiging listahan at kulang ang daan minsan para ilakad ang kalungkutan)

I want to forget sometimes.
I want to forget you.
I want to look at you and not think about all the things that you put me through.
I want to remember you and not be hurt by what I relive.
I want the little pangs and pierces at the heart to stop.
I want that specific memory loss and numbness to last forever.
I want to stop being silent while I cry inside and scream inside… while I anguish inside, never really dying but not fully living.
I want to forgive you.
But more than anything, I want to forgive myself for hating you… and hating myself (for “how could I have ever loved you”)
I want my heart to finally keep up with my mind.
I want to listen to the lessons that took too long to learn.
I want to forgive then forget… and have love’s death be followed by its rebirth.

I want women… to realize that we can be whole people and not just holes.
I want women to know that we don’t have to be domesticated animals, we don’t have to eternally pay for tempting Adam in his moment of weakness.
I want women to celebrate every time we bleed and do not die, because it shows our power that we are capable of procreating life… of housing a miracle inside our bodies.
I want women to develop the ability to transform their breasts into extra fists so that they can beat up the wife beaters (or cover the eyes of men na hinuhubaran ka sa tingin)
I want women to know that they are everything, can be everything, passion, healing, love, fury, reason, emotion, gentleness, strength, song, poetry, dance and so on and forever so forth.
I want women to remember that the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world… and that it should also rock the boat.

I want a job that will make me feel like I’m helping in making things good.
I want to be able to sleep at night knowing I helped in making the world a more beautiful place.
I want to continually go back and remember everything and everyone who taught me to want these things.
I want to be a walking ad for God.
I want to never stop wanting so I can always have something to dream about… yearn about.
I want to never cease to wonder so wonders never cease.
I want to love the cosmos that way and have the cosmos love me.

So you see, I don’t want much in life.
Not much at all.